Well, fuck me that was one of the weirdest gigs I've ever done.
7.05pm Running 5 minutes late - spend 1/2 an hour trying to find a fucking parking space in downtown Newbury.
7.35pm We realise the gig is outside after one of the biggest downpours of the year.
7.36pm Ask the barman if there is a soundman. "Yes, he'll be here at 7". I point out that its a bit after that. He tells me he'll be here at 7.30pm then. I don't bother to point out that that time has past also.
7.45pm Soundman arrives. I ask if he is the soundman. "No, i don't like soundmen - I just let the bands get on with it!". Right Oh then. He asks us if we want to start getting set up. We look at the 'stage' and point out that there are no drums (since the other band who are supplying them aren't here yet), no p.a., no monitors, no microphones or microphones stands. The 'soundman', who seems incapable of making eye contact, opens up a small shed to the left of the stage and insists everything we need is in there. We venture in and find that everything we need is most definitely not there. We ask when the other band are going to be here. "7 'o' clock". Right oh then.
8pm - 8.30pm We set up. The other band finally arrive with a drum kit. I try and fashion a mic stand out of a speaker stand, a large fork and some elastic bands. Its not going very well. Mark finds 3 mic stands hidden in a cupboard. Sid is happy that he can smoke at a gig for the first time in year. Mark is fixing one of the speaker leads. The 'soundman' is quite clearly one of the most inept twats I have ever met - he has put the pa speaker leads into an input on the p.a. He then moves them to some more wrong places before I point out that he should maybe put them in the clearly marked output sockets.
The lights don't work - they are getting some more bulbs tomorrow. Yeah right. The heaters don't work because Health and Saftey have deemed them unsafe because water got into them. I think the soundman may have rolled his eyes at this point but I can't be sure since he still won't make eye contact. I think that the heaters being full of water is a good reason for them being deemed unsafe. Kat is not happy that there is no heating.
8.50pm We do a soundcheck. Incredibly, it actually sounds pretty good. I have some friends who have come to see us play. This clearly staggers the rest of the band who are surprised to learn that a) I have some friends and b) they actually come to one of our gigs.
9pm We start to play. Quite well. People are venturing out to see us and stay and watch us. Quite a good response from a small crowd too. Result.
9.15pm Serious waft of weed comes our way. Nice.
9.25pm Get a request for a 'happy' song. Specifically 'Shiny Happy People'. We play 'Jackie Wilson Said' and it goes down well. Neil is shouting arrangement instructions at me throughout. He keeps me right all the way through and then ends up cocking up the bass line at the end. Irony - it does more than flatten your clothes. Sid seems to be chainsmoking his way through the entire gig.
9.45 pm We close with our 2 new tunes. 'Mess of Contradictions' sounds pretty good and 'Depression Is A Young Persons Art Form' sounded really good in my humble opinion.
I've lost all sense of time now.
I wander off to chat with my mates. I can't be arsed to watch another band who couldn't be arsed to watch us. Why are so many bands just wankers?
Sometime later - Kat walks into a speaker. Not too sure of the specifics but I'm reliably informed that she has a big lump on her head and she is 'looking a bit funny'. Not sure what that last bit means.
I catch the end of the other band - 'Slashed Seat Affair'. They seem to have a Gwen Stefani fixation - well the girl singer does anyway. They're not very good, though clearly they think they are. Bless 'em. There is a very large geezer there that is clearly not a full shilling. He's a bit of a chunky monkey and is fond of shouting 'Where did you get your jacket from then?' to everyone he sees.
Amble inside to see if Kat is ok. She is not happy.
We get our stuff together to go when the big unit with the jacket obsession plants himself down next to Kat. This amuses the band. Except Kat. "Where are you from then?", "Farleigh Wallop", "Where's that", "The M3", "Where on the M3?" ..... this continues for some time.........until Kat makes her excuses to go. The big unit moves in for a kiss. Kat beats a hasty retreat. We get out on to the street. Kat sits down on a bench and is then accosted by another nutter. Its not Kat's night. We hang around for our payment. £30 - not bad since we usually get fuck all.
Ben.
7.05pm Running 5 minutes late - spend 1/2 an hour trying to find a fucking parking space in downtown Newbury.
7.35pm We realise the gig is outside after one of the biggest downpours of the year.
7.36pm Ask the barman if there is a soundman. "Yes, he'll be here at 7". I point out that its a bit after that. He tells me he'll be here at 7.30pm then. I don't bother to point out that that time has past also.
7.45pm Soundman arrives. I ask if he is the soundman. "No, i don't like soundmen - I just let the bands get on with it!". Right Oh then. He asks us if we want to start getting set up. We look at the 'stage' and point out that there are no drums (since the other band who are supplying them aren't here yet), no p.a., no monitors, no microphones or microphones stands. The 'soundman', who seems incapable of making eye contact, opens up a small shed to the left of the stage and insists everything we need is in there. We venture in and find that everything we need is most definitely not there. We ask when the other band are going to be here. "7 'o' clock". Right oh then.
8pm - 8.30pm We set up. The other band finally arrive with a drum kit. I try and fashion a mic stand out of a speaker stand, a large fork and some elastic bands. Its not going very well. Mark finds 3 mic stands hidden in a cupboard. Sid is happy that he can smoke at a gig for the first time in year. Mark is fixing one of the speaker leads. The 'soundman' is quite clearly one of the most inept twats I have ever met - he has put the pa speaker leads into an input on the p.a. He then moves them to some more wrong places before I point out that he should maybe put them in the clearly marked output sockets.
The lights don't work - they are getting some more bulbs tomorrow. Yeah right. The heaters don't work because Health and Saftey have deemed them unsafe because water got into them. I think the soundman may have rolled his eyes at this point but I can't be sure since he still won't make eye contact. I think that the heaters being full of water is a good reason for them being deemed unsafe. Kat is not happy that there is no heating.
8.50pm We do a soundcheck. Incredibly, it actually sounds pretty good. I have some friends who have come to see us play. This clearly staggers the rest of the band who are surprised to learn that a) I have some friends and b) they actually come to one of our gigs.
9pm We start to play. Quite well. People are venturing out to see us and stay and watch us. Quite a good response from a small crowd too. Result.
9.15pm Serious waft of weed comes our way. Nice.
9.25pm Get a request for a 'happy' song. Specifically 'Shiny Happy People'. We play 'Jackie Wilson Said' and it goes down well. Neil is shouting arrangement instructions at me throughout. He keeps me right all the way through and then ends up cocking up the bass line at the end. Irony - it does more than flatten your clothes. Sid seems to be chainsmoking his way through the entire gig.
9.45 pm We close with our 2 new tunes. 'Mess of Contradictions' sounds pretty good and 'Depression Is A Young Persons Art Form' sounded really good in my humble opinion.
I've lost all sense of time now.
I wander off to chat with my mates. I can't be arsed to watch another band who couldn't be arsed to watch us. Why are so many bands just wankers?
Sometime later - Kat walks into a speaker. Not too sure of the specifics but I'm reliably informed that she has a big lump on her head and she is 'looking a bit funny'. Not sure what that last bit means.
I catch the end of the other band - 'Slashed Seat Affair'. They seem to have a Gwen Stefani fixation - well the girl singer does anyway. They're not very good, though clearly they think they are. Bless 'em. There is a very large geezer there that is clearly not a full shilling. He's a bit of a chunky monkey and is fond of shouting 'Where did you get your jacket from then?' to everyone he sees.
Amble inside to see if Kat is ok. She is not happy.
We get our stuff together to go when the big unit with the jacket obsession plants himself down next to Kat. This amuses the band. Except Kat. "Where are you from then?", "Farleigh Wallop", "Where's that", "The M3", "Where on the M3?" ..... this continues for some time.........until Kat makes her excuses to go. The big unit moves in for a kiss. Kat beats a hasty retreat. We get out on to the street. Kat sits down on a bench and is then accosted by another nutter. Its not Kat's night. We hang around for our payment. £30 - not bad since we usually get fuck all.
Ben.
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