14.10 Leave home for a day (and night) in Brighton. Supposed to meet up with the rest of the band at Brighton Pier at 15.30. Should make it no problem.
14.50 Whizzing past Pompey - everything is right with the world.
15.20 Three miles outside Brighton - gonna be bang on time.
15.26 Stuck in traffic in Brighton.
15.45 Still stuck - just got message from Neil to say that Brighton is gridlocked! Apparently X-factor is in town. I'm starting to get worried about what Sid has stitched us up for. We'll be playing cruise ships before the year is out.
16.10 Got through traffic and reach the pier. Get parked up about 100 yards away (and at little expense) within a couple of minutes - result!
16.20 Arrive at pier and buy very large tub of mussels which I promptly smother in vinegar and pepper.
16.21 Meet up with Neil and Marion who look at me with utter dismay when they see what I'm eating. You'd think I was biting the heads off babies with the looks they give me. I buy hot drinks to placate them. They tell me how hard it was to get parked - it took the best part of an hour and cost a fortune.
16.45 Amble over towards the West Pier to meet up with Sid, Mark and Kat who have just got parked some distance away - it took the best part of an hour and cost a fortune. I think my smugness on this issue maybe starting to grate with the rest of the band. So I mention it ad nauseum for the rest of the day.
17.00 - 18.00 Photos at the West Pier, In a bus shelter, In the Quadrophenia Alleyway (where Jimmy and Steph enjoy a quickie [in the movie - we haven't been joined by two very outgoing friends]), and the main pier - take a look here for actual proof should you need it: http://www.flickr.com/photos/30315319@N04/sets/72157614965742778/
18.01 Pick up cars and head to gig.
18.25 Locate the pub. Getting parked is proving a little problematic until we nearly run over Neil and Marion who tell me to ignore the Road Closed sign and park up for free about 100 feet from the venue. Result. Parking in Brighton is easy.
18.30 Arrive at 'The Hope' - our venue for this evening. Say hello to promoter guy Al and Soundman Leon. Leon appears to be the coolest guy on the planet. However his arse is hanging out of his jeans. This meets with much disapproval from Kat (though the disapproval seems to entail quite a lot of watching of Leon's arse). She doesn't like this new fangled fashion - underpants should not be on display. I ensure that my orange and brown Y-fronts (with Thursday written on them) are not showing in order that I too don't meet with Ms Milner's disapproval.
18.45 Headline act "Gentleman Starkey" are soundchecking. I'm Impressed with keyboard sound. The rest of the band sound pretty good too.
19.30 We soundcheck. Leon clearly knows what he is doing. Result. We play 'Sensitive But A Bit Of A 'Rong 'Un' and new tune 'Nil By Mouth' which goes really well. Another result.
19.50 Descend the stairs to main bar and order some drinks and some very nice pizza. Today is going well.
21.00 Head back upstairs to listen to "The Hi-Sides". They're clearly enjoying themselves on stage and have brought quite a crowd along. They play straight-forward indie-rock 3 minute pop tunes. I like them.
21.50 It's our turn - we get onstage and race through our set. We seem to retain most of the crowd which is good - some are quite amused by Sid's on-stage antics. 'Nil By Mouth' goes well. 'Depression Is A Young Persons Art Form', as ever, holds everyone's attention and we get a great response from a good crowd. Result. The on-stage sound has been ace too. Today is still going very well.
22.20 Headline act "Gentleman Starkey" take to the stage. Each song is greeted with a strangely muted response. Not sure why - I think they're pretty good. They're certainly better than most bands we see.
22.35 Two easy-on-the-eye-yet-clearly-drunk girls start dancing right in front of me. I don't complain.
22.40 A burlesque dancer - Cherie Shakewell - has joined the band on stage. Weird. I'm still watching the two girls in front of me though.
22.42 Cherie clearly does not know the difference between Burlesque and Stripping. Very weird. Out of nowhere there are about 5 guys with big cameras flashing away. All very surreal.
22.43 Cherie is jiggling her very ample charms in time to the music. I'm sure that they're are rotating in different directions. That's a cool trick. Its hard to know where to look. The drunk girls are pressing against each other at every opportunity. I'm not sure I'll be able to walk anywhere for a while.
23.10 "Gentleman Starkey" finish their set. It's been very interesting to say the least. Sid wanders in - only to realise he's missed the "Burlesque". He is clearly quite distraught.
23.30 The place is emptying out....we're still hanging around when the DJs start playing some great rock n roll - Kat is torn between going home and dancing to cool tunes. I'm definitely staying for a while. I've been off the beer for a year now - the upside of which is I never have a hangover. The downside is that I never dance though - I'm way too self-conscious to dance when sober. But I can't help myself. Sod it. Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis, Little Richard, fuck it I'm gonna dance and I don't care that I look stupid.
23.31 - 00.29 I look very stupid.
00.30 We get kicked out of 'The Hope'. I call a mate who is in town for a stag night and was hoping to make it to the gig (he didn't). He says they've moved on from Brighton and are in the classy 'Le Chic' - a lapdancing club in downtown Worthing. It's on my way home but I'm a modern man - I don't do that. Its not my thing. I'm above that. I will give it a miss. Definitely.
01.20 Tiffany is whispering in my ear that she really wants to do a dance for me. It's only £15. Though judging by the standard of the girls in this place they should be paying me £15 for the privilege. I'd always thought that the pre-requisites of being a lapdancer were a fit body and an attractive face. Clearly I am wrong. Me and my mate, Darryl, finish our drinks before heading to the club next door.
01.25 It's a total chav club - lots of very ugly people around too. There are poles everywhere which the girls are only too eager to dance around. They're also fitter than the ones in the lapdancing club. Weird. I head to the loos and notice that there's loads of blood everywhere. There's a guy at the mirror who seems to be extracting teeth. Very weird.
02.30 I've had enough. I'm starting to flag now, I say my good-byes and head off home.
04.05 Arrive home. It's been emotional.
Ben
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